Cliched

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

Probably the biggest bullshit cliche ever stated. I mean, really - what is that? What the fuck does it mean?

Yes, love is a wonderful experience and all - but losing it isn't, and no matter how you lost the person, if anyone says this to you in the aftermath, they should be shot in all their condescending arrogant ignorance.

A heartbreak is probably one of the worst pains one can feel. And that heartbreak is caused by having loved. This pain could be avoided if you hadn't have fallen in love in the first place.
So, is it really better?

Morphinated

Never take Morphine on an empty stomach.
I'm assuming that's what it was, considering I never got any warning from the Doctor or the pharmacist about taking it with food.
All I know is i got out of bed this morning, feeling nauseous. I ate a piece of bread before taking my mother to work, and the nausea went away.
On my way back home, I could feel my gag reflexes starting to go. I stopped at the light, and next thing I know, I'm blowing chunks out the window. Not once. Not twice, but four times. problem was, i didn't get my head far enough outside the window. So, there it was, all over the car door - inside and out.
I feel sorry for the other cars around that witnessed this humiliating public display.

Neglected

I'm still me.
I wish people could understand that just because i have Cancer, it doesn't change who I am as a person.
I'm not looking for sympathy...or even a reaction...
I just feel like everyone's running away from me.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I was under the impression that he was a Prisoner in his own world...and I was to set him free.

It was all just an illusion.

Miles Away

My heart is breaking...slowly. Splintering and cracking - so loud. By the time I get to him, my heart will be nothing but Ruins. It's so painful. I have never been so in love in my entire 32 years. Love isn't supposed to hurt - but I guess it does when there's distance in between both hearts.

Age Ain't Nothin' but a Number

Hi.

I'm a 32 year old gay man.
I wear t-shirts with cartoon characters on them, and occasionally logo's, like Echo or Sean John.
I own 2 pairs of sneakers, and very rarely do I ever wear long pants...except when the weather permits, where i prefer a waist two sizes bigger than my own.
I still watch Disney movies, and enjoy them.

My diet of late, consists of Twizzlers and Beef Jerkey.

The thing is, I don't look 32.

I don't feel 32, and I certainly don't act 32.

In a few months I'll be 33. I really don't see a change happening there either.

Wonder what I'll be like when I'm 40.

Superstitious Writings on the Wall

When do we know if it's Forever?
Or do we ever really?

Instinctively, i felt Forever with him from the moment our relationship began. Had i not, i would have never gotten involved. For the first few months, things were great. There was a mutual feeling, with no fear, whatsoever. Then things happened. He got scared. And while the universe was preventing us from being together, fear reached me as well.
What happened? There was no fear at the beginning. Then, after an establishment, all of a sudden, it decides to pop its head in and say "Hey Sean! I'm here to give you a mental mind fuck!"?

The thing is, I love him so much...too much. My fear stems from the thought that one day, he'll realise that he doesn't want to be with me. He tells me differently, but I am filled with so much insecurity, and when you add Karma into it, well, let's just say, I almost expect the worst.

I've noticed change. But it's not typical in a relationship. this has nothing to do with the Honeymoon being over or anything like that. In the first few month, as I mentioned, there was a mutual love we had for each other, in things that were said or done. Then, circumstances in his life happened, and he changed. There have been times where i felt I was giving too much of myself, and not receiving the same thing in return. I feel like no one will ever love me the way I love. Of course, that doesn't change my feelings towards him - it just intensifies the fear...especially knowing just how much I really do love him. On a side note, i do know that everyone expresses their love differently, and compared to my exes, he's doing the better job in that department by telling me things that i need to hear.

I've been hurt so many ways in this...ways he doesn't even realise, and even though the hurt effects me, I'm doing my best to prevent it from effecting the relationship.
I just know that i could never hurt him, nor would I ever try to, no matter what the situation...and that's where mutuality ends.
I do believe him when he says he loves me and that he wants to be with me for life...but there's so much missing in between the electrical current that connects us. In the past I have felt that I wanted this more than he does, just by certain actions from both our parts; My determination, and his lack of...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, because if I fall, I'm going to fall harder than I've ever fallen....and its not going to be pretty.

I know that he is Forever in my heart. But will I ever know if I'm Forever in his?

The Hollywood Dream

I had just finished filming a horror movie, in which a ghost was doing everything it could to get inside a house that I was residing in.
When filming was done, i headed over to the studios at Showtime, where i saw Whoopi Goldberg leaving. Her and I had become good friends. Her show had wrapped for the season, s I knew i wouldn't be seeing her for a while, as she was going back to NYC. I gave her a big hug and told her I would miss her.
I then went on to the table reading of the series that I was on. I played Mariah Carey's husband, and in this new episode, I found out our characters were getting a divorce.
"You're having me written off the show?" I asked, kind of nervous-like.
"Of course we're not writing you off", said Mariah. "You'll be back."
"I should be, because don't we have a kid together?"
"Yeah, I think so."
Afterwards, the cast drove down to these manmade caves to hang out, as was always done after a table read. I was remembering the times that Mariah had given me a ride...and how she had also given me her cell number, when we were arranging rides for me, before i had a car.
Everyone began to leave, and I noticed they were leaving in groups; going somewhere else afterwards...and no one was inviting me.
Then I woke up to my boring life.

Judgement Day

I have blue hair.
I have a mohawk.
Walking into a restaurant this evening, I watched all eyes glare up at me from everyone in there...and I'm not exaggerating. When I sat at my table, those I could see with my eyes were staring at me.
I knew i didn't fit in. The majority of patrons were old, and even the few young ones were the clean-cut, goody-goody church going type.
I could only imagine the thoughts going through their heads. But, what I loved about it was that I'm sure whatever they were thinking was not true about me.
I can say that I felt out of place. But I can't say that I felt uncomfortable.
I always loved being different - especially in my hometown.