Harsh

A message from my ex's mother: (The Bi-Polar Bitch I had to deal with for 2 years)
Fall of 2008

"Hey Sean...I just wanted to let you know me and my Nick talked last night...things are fine...You're not ever comin to Alabama cause he doesn't want you to come to Alabama...and he's not goin' to school and I told him - I said "Nicholas, you need to give up the computer" I says "because you cant afford it"...
Me and my son's gonna get somethin. We're probably goin to get an apartment...I'm gonna sell my shit and he's gonna be where I'm at. Bloods thicker than water. And he can find little old dicks. I've seen your dick. It aint shit...he can find shit like you a dime a dozen...and my son's too good looking for you...and you just a desperate damn bastard...but you ain't gonna make it...sooner or later somethin'll happen to you...no wonder them damn other guys beat the hell outta you...they had to do that to get rid of you cause your like a leech...but Nicks usin' you and your too damn dumb to know it but I don't care cause you're trash."

Followed by next message:

"You ain't dead yet? Oh, that's right - Trash like you don't die!"

F**K that Noise!!!!

                                                    

     It's been just a little over four years since I posted an entry in this blog...and a little over four years since I officially became a Cancer survivor.

     Having put a lot of that behind me, I see an expression from time to time pop up on Facebook that grates on my nerves.

     "God never gives you more than you can handle!"

     Whoever came up with that expression (or even uses it) obviously never had Cancer. They have never gone through excrutiating pain that was so bad you wanted to cut off your leg, or kill yourself just to end it all. They have never suffered on a day to day basis with the worst quality of life imaginable.

     No, I couldn't handle it. I tolerated it for as long as I could, but the sleepless nights and waking up screaming whenever I did fall asleep, or the fact that I had to force myself to do anything while going through torturous pain, was a living nightmare.

     I fought and I fought hard. I suffered like not many people have suffered. And I survived - not because I could handle it - but because the doctors did what they could to keep me alive.

     The only time I actually could handle it was when I was so fucked up on drugs, that my pain, and reality was practically non-existent.

     And I'm not even going to mention the Chemo that I suffered through for months on end that put me in the hospital twice.

     But, let's face it - this expression, (which based on my personal experience, is a slap in the face to what I went through) is just a way to put people's minds at ease when going through a tough situation - obviously not a terminal illness or any other excrutiating physical ailments.

     Next time you know someone who is suffering in extreme pain, say that to them, and see how they react, because if anyone had said that to me at the time, I would have punched them so hard in the face, just to see if they felt the same after a broken nose.
     Handle that, you inconsiderate fuck!

     P.S.: What didn't kill me, sure as hell made me stronger!