hurt

I'm not going to live the rest of my life in "When".
I'm not gonna bury my future with me.
I need to fix this broken heart,
and i have to do that on my own...

De Ja Vu

Coming out of the hospital, yet again, I am instantly taken back to five months ago. The house smells the same. The feeling of emptiness is heightened, as it was five months before. i am back in a familiar place of unfamiliarity.

And I sit here the next day wondering, again, why I survived a near death experience; my second in one year's time. Five months pass, and history repeats itself.

And I'm in my own quandry about my life and where it is headed.

Am I safer here?

And if so, what happens to us?

"How many times can i break 'til I shatter?

Over the line,

can't define what I'm after.

I always was turn the car around."

O.A.R. - Shattered

"I never thought that i'd have any more to give

pushing me so far.

here I am wothout you!

Drink!

to all that we have lost,

mistakes we have made.

everything will change

but love remains the same"

Gavin Rossdale - Love Remains the Same

Rooted

I really don't miss my ex. But it doesn't mean i don't think about him. All the bad times we had are so memorable, but sometimes I try to think about the good times we actually had, and that's pretty tough, considering our constant head-butting. When i learned what kind of person he was, it was as if everything good he did for me was for an incentive, so really, what good was there?
No, what i really miss is my life in NYC. Or i should just say what I truly miss was having a life. I've been many places in the US, and had many wonderful adventures and experiences, and its sad to think that I can't have that anytime in the near future.
I just have the need for adventure, because it's the adventure that's missing from my life.
I need to get the fuck out of Hollywood, Fl!!!

Cliched

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

Probably the biggest bullshit cliche ever stated. I mean, really - what is that? What the fuck does it mean?

Yes, love is a wonderful experience and all - but losing it isn't, and no matter how you lost the person, if anyone says this to you in the aftermath, they should be shot in all their condescending arrogant ignorance.

A heartbreak is probably one of the worst pains one can feel. And that heartbreak is caused by having loved. This pain could be avoided if you hadn't have fallen in love in the first place.
So, is it really better?

Morphinated

Never take Morphine on an empty stomach.
I'm assuming that's what it was, considering I never got any warning from the Doctor or the pharmacist about taking it with food.
All I know is i got out of bed this morning, feeling nauseous. I ate a piece of bread before taking my mother to work, and the nausea went away.
On my way back home, I could feel my gag reflexes starting to go. I stopped at the light, and next thing I know, I'm blowing chunks out the window. Not once. Not twice, but four times. problem was, i didn't get my head far enough outside the window. So, there it was, all over the car door - inside and out.
I feel sorry for the other cars around that witnessed this humiliating public display.

Neglected

I'm still me.
I wish people could understand that just because i have Cancer, it doesn't change who I am as a person.
I'm not looking for sympathy...or even a reaction...
I just feel like everyone's running away from me.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I was under the impression that he was a Prisoner in his own world...and I was to set him free.

It was all just an illusion.